What to do about bullies?

When my child started the first grade, we had no idea that he had Asperger’s Syndrome.  Symptoms began to surface fairly quickly once he was in school full time.  He seemed to have made some friends in September, but had lost those friendships completely by October.  I was teaching at his school, so I noticed how isolated he seemed to be at recess time.  He would be wandering the playground all by himself, sometimes visiting with his teacher, but more often than not he was completely alone.

We also noticed that he had mounting anxiety at home which would manifest itself through obsessive compulsive behavior, increasing phobias, decreased appetite (sometimes refusing to eat completely for two or three days at a time), and insomnia.  However, when I would ask him about school, he was unable to articulate what was going on or how I could help him.

As our son began to talk more and more about his experiences at school, he would mention the bullies that were there.  Nothing had been observed by me or by any of the other staff at school, but he insisted that the other children had been cruel to him.  As far as I know, my son did not experience any physical abuse at all.  The other children had simply told him to go away.  They had refused to play with him, and many children had told him that he was “gross” or “weird”.  However, this small amount of rejection proved to be an incredible obstacle for him to overcome.

Many children with Asperger’s Syndrome have problems with emotional regulation.  They may get stuck in cycles of anger, depression, or anxiety.  Of course all autistic symptoms vary from child to child (that is why they are called “Autistic Spectrum Disorders” because different children may experience a variety of symptoms in varying degrees.)  For my son, emotional regulation is very difficult.

Tony Attwood describes an extreme response to being bullied at school in, The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome.  He classifies it as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can be the consequence of experiencing a traumatic event or series of events.  The clinical signs of PTSD include attempts to avoid the incident or memories of the incident, and signs of anxiety, depression, anger and even hallucinations associated with the precipitating event or events.  In the general population, PTSD is associated with war experiences and sexual, physical and emotional abuse.  I know that severe and repeated bullying can precipitate the clinical signs of PTSD in children with Asperger’s Syndrome.” (p 139)

The psychiatrist who treated our son confirmed that he was suffering from a trauma.  It took many months to help our son work through this, and it could not have been done without the help of a professional.
Since then, our son has been medically diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, and we have begun to add many services to help him.  We are currently educating our son at home as we wait for the school district to formally evaluate his needs.  We are waiting to see if he qualifies for special education services.

But we are wary of trying school again.  When he was in school before, we didn’t know about his disability. Still, his teacher truly cared for him, and his mother was right next door, and he experienced enough rejection to traumatize him.

So what do we do about the bullying?  How do we protect children with Asperger’s Syndrome from experiencing abuse each and every school day?

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